And Now for Something Completely Different . . .

Many people have asked me why I haven’t written more on the blog. No, Nate does not have me tied up in the closet, BTW. Some of you know I been having a very difficult time here, for others it may be a total surprise. I haven’t felt much like writing because I believed I would either just complain or have to lie about my experiences – so I opted to not write (also, I have been crazy busy, but I think I would have found time if I was really digging it). Truth is, I’m not digging it. I’m frustrated, isolated and unhappy. I really thought I went into this with eyes wide open, but now I see I was perhaps naïve about just how difficult it would be to work in a culture so radically different from what I am used to. Working somewhere gives me an entirely different perspective about the place. And working ALONE, literally alone, is not my bag. If you know me at all, you know I’m a people person. And this is especially true for counseling – you need colleagues and supervisors and people in your life who you can debrief with. I realize I see a clinical population; however, I get to hear about all sorts of less pleasant aspects of the culture – which doesn’t help matters. Counselors often serve as a “container” of sorts for people’s unhappiness. My container is full at this point.

Here’s a list of my various grievances, ranging in severity:

Major:

• Total professional isolation (see above).

• No mental health safety net/infrastructure. I am it for mental health help for the community besides a psychiatrist that comes on Friday afternoons and spends ten minutes with each person to prescribe medications. A student with severe clinical depression was taken to a spiritual leader and told a “demon” was causing all her problems. I also see faculty – which is just weird.

• Women have no power here. Yes, they may be working toward their Master’s degree, but their fathers can take their passport away and LITERALLY imprison them in their home if they have shamed the family (I’ve been told about this more than once). I will return to shame later . . . Keeping women down is all about maintaining power. Laws have recently been passed to give woman more economic power. For example, a husband must now have his first wife’s permission to marry more wives, whereas before he did not. Blaming Islam is like blaming Christianity for the freaks who, in the name of God, kill doctors that perform abortions. Although the Quran does allow for beating your wife if she disobeys, I’m sure there’s plenty I’d find fault with written in the Bible, so it becomes a matter of interpretation and culture.

-One of my students, thinking her friends were following behind her, was surrounded by several men and harassed in broad daylight, on the main road, for having the audacity to be in public by herself. She was terrified and ran as fast as she could until she made it back to campus.

-I had a brother email me as his sister’s “guardian” to tell me he has a right to know what she discusses in counseling because he allowed her in the first place to even see me. He got a very civil F-off.

-An incident of clear sexual harassment by a professor that resulted in the president of the university asking the victim, “Are you sure you want to make trouble for him? He’s married and has children.”

• The groping incident. For the first time in my life, I feel afraid and uncomfortable in public. I am so tired of being stared at any time I leave university grounds.

• Shame, or hshuma in Arabic, permeates everything. We all know how great shame can be for mental health. Also, with such a huge focus on family and community, there is no room for difference. Different is shameful.

Minor:

• My office is freezing. Like wear gloves, see your breath cold.

• Every day chaos. One person, who has been here for a while, told me to act like it’s a circus and be amused instead of frustrated. Some days that is easier than others.

So, what did I expect, you ask? I don’t know. I expected to have difficulties in regards to women’s issues and thought being alone would be hard, but I never expected to feel so isolated. I never expected to feel so afraid in public without Nate beside me. I never expected to feel like I was loosing my mind because I felt so paranoid. I never expected this feeling of powerlessness because I can’t advocate for my students. I realize now that I am a better counselor with regular supervision and consultation. I realize I need support and space to debrief after I’ve listened to heart-breaking stories of oppression, abuse and shame.

What have I learned? I’ve learned a lot about Islam and a lot about culturally appropriate counseling. I’ve learned how to communicate and listen when there are huge language barriers. I’ve learned a new appreciation for my home and my freedom (not in a creepy, flag-waving way). I’ve learned to feel an even greater passion in regards to our civil liberties, the separation of church and state and women’s rights – we can not be complacent about their erosion! I’ve also learned (as if there were any doubt) that I have the most supportive friends anyone could ever ask for – thank you for all of your reassurances, that I am, in fact, not crazy.